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Shaman on the run: Trust and Suspicion (part 4)

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Qure`thell

Qure`thell

Shaman on the run: Trust and Suspicion



This story is dedicated to Robert Jordans view of wolves and all those that study and protect these magnificent, yet misunderstood, animals.



The young peacekeeper thinks deeply. I stare into the fire. Memories come unbidden. Memories of home. Faces of friends. I resolutely suppress them. Now is not the time for sadness. Now is not the time for self-indulgence. The pup needs help and although I am not very good, I am the only one here. I clear my mind of all distractions and try to do meditate. To look at the problem from every side. To see all the elements it holds. To predict the future based on the information I have now. My fathers` face flashes before me. I accept it and let it go of its own accord. I see a wolf sitting hidden in the shadows, it`s eyes are old and wise, it`s bearing proud and strong. But it`s the eyes that worry me, those shining golden discs with the deep darkness at the center. I know that a part of me knows what it is. I`ll try to deduce later what it is. I know that my chance of success is low. But I have time.

I hope.

As I direct my attention to Arahus plight, he stirs. I try to return to meditational awareness, but I fail.

“I am listening, Arahu. Tell me what you think, please. “

“I-I-I d-d-on`t k-know i-i-if this i-i-is t-the r-r-r-right a-a-answer…”

I smile at him as I interrupt “There is no right or wrong answer to my question. We are not in class, this is not a test. Be truthful and listen to me as I listen to you. That is all I ask of you. I`ll be honest, what my answer would be, would not be your answer.”

His eyes sparkle “I understand that master Qure`thell. Like the Dr- er Eredar in history I must chose my own path. And not let someone else choose it for me, neither leader, nor priest, nor shaman should tell me what to do!”

Arahu hesitates “S-s-sorry, di-didn`t m-mean to o-o-o-offend.”

I wave it away “You are not offending. You are right…” I smile at Arahu “…at least I think so”

Arahus smiles back proudly. He searches for the right words to continue.

“Furthermore I should…. “ He nods to himself “Continue to travel the path of the warrior and the path of the Elekkian. I can do both, right?”

I nod, wondering what exactly an Elekkian is. But I darenot ask, I might stop him from talking or thinking.

“Okay, next… I should stop trying to learn how to wield an axe and start focusing on how to defeat an axe-wielder. I`ll stick with maces and guns. Though I will pick up how to use a sledge or an hammer. You know a two-hander. I`ll keep the mace close to my heart to prevent me from raging again.”

Arahu stops as he considers his words. Then he nods and smiles at me. I sigh deeply, feeling both disappointment and contentment that I can continue.

“If you wish. But you will always have trouble if you do that, Arahu.”

The peacekeeper frowns at me.

“You forget your curse. No matter what you do, it will always be there. The harder you push it down, the harder it explodes when it comes back up. Don`t delude yourself into thinking you are not a Berserker anymore. It will cost you dearly. I know…”

My voice cracks as the memory resurfaces. Not now! It hurts. It hurts and I can`t deal with it right now. I push it away again. Arahu gives me a funny look that tells me I fell silent.

“I taunted you and you exploded in fury. What if the next time someone annoys you? You get killed? Or worse, you kill a Draenei? Or a friend?”

I pause not just to let it sink in but also to check myself. Make sure no memories interfere again.

“You must control your rage. Use it in battle against your enemies. Spend it, make sure it doesn`t accumulate so much that you lose control. Also I suggest you think of a phrase or an image to stop yourself from doing your friends any harm. I will teach you some techniques tomorrow if you want.”

He is staring again.

“How do you know all this?”

Ay. The one question I don`t want to answer. But to refuse to answer it would invalidate my argument. This is going to be unpleasant…. Unless….

“I don`t want to talk about it…” I start “… And I sure don`t want people to know about this. So I need to know that you can keep this a secret.”

Arahu thinks for just a fraction of a second. “I swear to keep it a secret, shaman, I swear it on the Light” Leans forward eagerly to hear the story. I nod

“Very well, I hope you don`t mind if I keep this short, it is getting late and us old folk need our sleep. I`ll tell you the details later.”

I had hoped he would have let me keep my shame a secret.

“Ever since that day the orcs turned on us I had been angry. As the months passed the anger grew with each story I heard, each orc I saw. I kept it in check, surpressing it. Near the end I was surpressing it almost all the time. It was very tiring”

I yawn “Sorry about that, it has been a long day. One day it broke free… And I killed and killed and drank blood by the galleons… The song of my blood was so powerful then, so strong, I was without any thought except where to strike next. My axe drank and drank. I floated freely, free from the pain, the sadness, the..”

I choke on the emotions. Arahus looks horrified.

“You did what? You killed Draenei?! That`s monstrous!”

I struggle to keep the memories down and my tears from shedding. The boy is reaching for his mace. I can`t speak. I know from his look he is going to strike me down. Part of me wants him to do that. I did kill them all. But Janah, dear sweet Janah. She would be so sad… I don`t want her to suffer at my hands again.

I fiercely shake my head in denial, sending my tentacles swirling through the air. One of them hits my glasses, dislodging it. Quickly I slap my hand on it trying to refrain the yellow light from shining through. Arahu pales a little. Light! He`s seen it!

Arahu looks at me in shock, he mumbles a single word: “Man`ari”

“No” I croak as I force the words through my swelled throat “No Draenei, Orcs, Orcs!”

Even in this condition I can`t help but spit out the word Orc as though it is something that was vile while living and has died a month ago. Still Arahu eyes me carefully and sternly asks:

“Will you swear an oath to that?”

I nod. It takes a few minutes for me to regain my composure and voice.

“With the Light as my judge, I swear that I did not kill any Draenei. Not a single one. Should I be prove false in this my life is forfeit and my soul will never join with the Light.”

The peacekeeper blinks at the severity of the oath. He studies me carefully. Mace in hand, he thinks for a few minutes.

“I believe you. But don`t be offended if I sleep away from you…” his tone turns cool “…shaman.”

I know that look. I have seen it so often. Often disguised, but Arahu isn`t the one to disguise or feign. I have no idea how I know that, but I know it.

“Very well, it seems we are done talking, aren`t we?”

I know I shouldn`t say this, but I can`t stop it, I am tired, so tired, and I miss her … Bitterness clouds my voice .

“ I wouldn`t want to pervert an innocent away from the Light, would I?”

I stand up and walk away from the fire.

“Hey! Where are you going? I thought you were tired?” Arahu shouts after me.

“I am, but I have duties to fulfill. I`ll be back in an hour. I`ll whistle to warn you.” I laugh bitterly “I promise on my word as a monster. “

I walk in darkness. It holds very little secrets for me, save one. A dark shadow slides out of its hiding place and trail the Shaman. Maybe he would have noticed it, if he wasn`t so shocked and hurt at Arahus rejection.

Man`ari.

Wrong. Twisted. Defiled.

Qure`thell

Qure`thell

It is true. I am man`ari.

As I told the boy, don`t delude yourself. A picture is sent to my mind. A pup learns the hard way that he can`t fly. The wolf looking out for the pups quickly examines the mewling pup. Nuzzles it briefly and returns to its perch. Will the pup keep mewling? Angrily I put a message together and send it back.
I see a staff sticking out of the ground. I change course to retrieve it. I wonder what I could have done better with Arahu. Again I get a picture. This time of a young wolfs first hunt. The prey gets away. But the parents are proud of their child. I close on the staff. I can almost touch it as my peripheral vision detects something leaping towards me!

An image is slammed in my mind. Two packs meet. One of them hasn`t introduced themselves properly. Wolves fight. Wolves die. It distracts me from the attack. For a moment I am helpless.

An hairy body pushes me away from the staff. A stream of images fills my head. It goes to fast to recognize them all. I am torn between the need to understand them and the attack. The images require, no, demand an answer. I sense disappointment.
I notice I have fallen in my fighting stance. A pair of old and wise eyes look at me. Two shining gold discs, the darkness in the center is deep, very deep. The rest of the creature comes into focus. It’s a wolf. A big one. Its pelt blends perfectly with the nights dark cloak. The body is very powerful, its bearing proud. It`s eyes shine.
I recognize the wolf. It`s Old Wolf. My spirit guide, although the quality of his guidance is dubious. He responds sternly by sending a picture of a young pup that goes after a butterfly while his mother tries to teach hunting skills.

After a deep sigh I go to work on the question. I try to review as many images as I can. I have far from all. And of those I understand only a third of them rationally. Using extrapolation techniques I learned as a manager I construct a message:

Don`t be rude. Thank Stone (or earth or mountain). Ask tree back. You (something about speaking and dreaming at the same time). Admonishingly; Be (something about speaking an dreaming at the same time). The last two images I know best. Old Wolf uses them often:

Two wolves that are strangers meet and hunt an elk together. I know it means trading favours, negotiating. The traditional way of working Shamanic Magic, you call out to a spirit, ask him to listen and then negotiate a price. A hint of disdain accompanies that image, Old Wolf doesn`t like negotiating. It has no place during crises.

The last one is different. It is my name: A wolf of stone running past the stars. The only difference is that now there is a bird of fire flying alongside it lighting the way.

Odd..
She tried to blast Old Wolf to pieces. Normally he would want to tear anyone who tries that apart. Yet the birds image is accompanied by… respect?

I feel teeth biting in my heel. No blood flows. That I know too, it means “get moving”. I stare at the staff. Seven feet and about twenty inches are above ground. Ten inches are below ground. The staff stands at an angle of about 55 degrees. I don`t have to do the calculations to see this isn`t possible according to the laws of physics. Spirits. I really dislike dealing with spirits. Best get this over with. I kneel in the soft grass of Nagrand. I clear my throat and begin:

Qure`thell

Qure`thell

“Mighty Earth, I am Qure`thell. I have called on—“

I stop as I feel teeth biting my ear and shaking it twice before letting it go. What did I do wrong? I think back to the fight, trying to see what I did wrong…. Oh yes, I begin anew:

“Earth of Zangar Ridge, daughter of Nagrand and Zangermarsh hear me. I am Qure`thell. I want to thank y—“

Again my ear is shaken. Old Wolf has little patience for long speeches.

“— thank you for your help in the fight between me and the p…er… young one. I would like my staff back now, please”

I resent having to ask and beg for favours. I resent being a shaman. Most of all I resent people…

The earth starts shaking as a roughly humanoid figure rises out of the earth. It`s a she, she is curvacious. She is made out of stone and wears swatches of grass interlaces with roots of baobab as a skirt. Her hair is blueish green like algae and she has a Tenaki mushroom behind her ear. Its four glowing ‘jewels’ play across a face that a child could make. A three year old to be exact. The earth of Zangar Ridge is obviously a mother. She wears a moss-cardigan that has that home-made look. Her voice sounds feminenen even though it sounds like a small earthquake.

“Oh hello there, master Wolf-from-Stars. It is so nice that you came by so soon. How is that young fellow doing? I trust you taught him well?”

I blink. A ten-foot tall mother, made out of stone. What do you say? I hear myself saying something:

“Oh, I was in the neighbourhood, and you know…”

Dear Light, that must be themost overused line in the book. Not to mention that I am camping very close by. I do hope she doesn`t get mad. Maybe she will be merciful…

“… I thought I`d drop by and say thank you. Arahu is doing fine, bless you for asking. But I fear he failed to learn what I had hoped to teach him. “

Mother Zangar glares sternly at me

“That is not what I asked young man. Did you TEACH him well?”

“I don`t know, I think I did well, b—“

Old Wolf interrupts sending us both a image of a beta wolf trying to teach an easily distracted pup. The pup doesn`t listen well. The parent doesn`t give up, patiently drawing the pups attention back to the lesson every time he gets distracted. And another: The alpha looking at the betas efforts approvingly. Mother Zangar stares at Old Wolf:

“Master Old Wolf, let master Wolf-from-Stars speak his own words…”

She listens to something he says, privately this time.

“Could be, still let him speak. He is the… How do your people call it? Dreamspeaker? He is your—“

Again a pause and a deep sigh, like a dwarven blacksmiths bellows..

“Very well dear, I will not say anything. It is none of my business, really.”

The stone-woman turns to me again.

“Sorry about that master Wolf-from-Stars. I am glad you are finally accepting your fate. Or at least a part of it. I do hope you will soon embrace all that it means to be a shaman. Don`t let those mean Draenei put you down dear. I am told it is very fulfilling.”

She giggles. It is an image and sound I will never forget.

“No offense m`am, but being a servant is not what I desire. “

Well, I think, that is one way to put it Qure`thell, and also a way to make sure you don`t have to be a shaman ever again. I yelp as teeth tear at my ear. An angry image accompanies the pain. A young wolf being very rude at another pack, nearly provoking a conflict with his behavior. The alpha publicly humiliates him for this.

“Now see here, master Old Wolf. This behavior will not be tolerated here.”

Mrs Zanger glares at Old Wolf, pulling him off of my ear and flicking him away as easily as a Draenei sweeps away iron filing. She turns to me.

“Now let me see your ear, master Wolf-from-Stars. Now, now, don`t be shy, let momma see your ear.”

Dear Light, what have I done you wrong?! I scream in the safety of my mind as a ten-foot stone mother, well.. mothers me. Old Wolf calmly strides back, so nonchalantly I`d almost think he went away for a bit of his own volition. Instead of being hurled away like a pebble. He is grinning at my plight.

“ Mrs Zanger. It is allright, really. My ear is fine. Please stop fussing. I can heal it. Just let me grab my equipment.”

The rock mother looks at me, her crudely crafted face an enigma. She sighs.

“Oh allright..” she mutters to herself. “…boys will be boys..” It sounds like an avalanche in the distance and it can be heard at the campsite probably.

“But you will NOT use your devices in my presence master Wolf-from-Stars. I will not have it!”

“Yes, mo- er… ma`m”

“Now, could you be a dear and do something for me, master Wolf?”

Mrs Zanger smiles brightly at me. She`s also examining my ears` state. She is tsk-ing softly and disapprovingly. It sounds like30-pound rocks cracking.

I dreaded this….

“As you know, I have two children, a boy and a girl. Azurite is a sweet girl. But Malachite is… a bit…. Troublesome. I talked to his father about this. But he won`t do anything.” An exasperated sigh

“Could you take him under your wing? Show him what it is like being a good man? He has no male role-models and children so need that nowadays.”

“I am not sure if I can help with that…”I start

The mother interrupts briskly “I do, I have spoken with miss Healing-Wounds-and-Woes-Phoenix-from-Heavens, she speaks highly of you.”

“Who?”

As I ask this an image appears in my mind, not the name, but the face. It is a beautiful face. With eyes so soft and caring. A deep sigh escapes me, as my heart jumps at seeing my beloved Janah. She speaks highly of me? My heart swells with happiness and pride. She does? That is great news! Then the pain sets in… The pain of her absence, she is away meditating in some faraway land. The Elemental Lands, she called it. I turn to face in the direction of the Throne of Elements. I don`t know why. I realize something is being said.

“…-from-Stars? Are you allright, dear? Do you need some tea? Do you want to talk about it, dear?”

The spirit-mother looks worriedly. She opens her arms for a hug. I step back as I raise my hands in a defensive gesture.

“No, no, no, I am…. Fine mrs Zangar.”

I lie, and she sees it too.

“Don`t lie to me, shaman, I can see it in your face”

“Okay, no, I am not fine, I miss someone very much that is all. She`s away… When did you speak with her mrs Zangar?”

Again I find myself facing the direction of the Throne. How odd…

“About a mooncycle ago.”

‘Blast it… Then she was still present. Wait… she spoke highly of me then? I feel a wave of happiness wash over me. Befuddling my thoughts until a cold hard memory surfaces. Janah, lying prone, blue in the face. The terror and shame pull me out of my revelry. That was before the… incident. A voice speaks again. To my surprise it is my own.

“Why me?”

“Because dear, she told me how good you were with her child and…” Mrs Zanger stops herself

“…I really shouldn`t say more. I don`t want to be a loose pebble..”

She catches my blank look.

“A loose pebble… A chittering piece of stone… A..” She thinks hard “Gossip-girl? Is that the expression?”

She looks to Old Wolf and me. Old Wolf looks around impatiently. I gather that for him, this conversation isn`t important. I shrug to mrs Zanger.

“Yes, I think so. I understand what you mean. Keep what she said to yourself. That is the right thing to do…” Although I would love to know…

“… As for your… son…Malachite…?”

She nods and I wonder how a stone can sire a child or give birth. The whole thing is a mystery to me since stones don`t actually grow. The physics-side is just ludicrous. It is impossible.

“I would do anything to make Janah proud of me. I`ll try my best to teach your…Malachite, mrs Zanger. Where is he?”

I groan inwardly. Although I meant every word, I shouldn`t have said that. Old Wolf grins at me. Mrs Zangar blinks and smiles. Then her expression grows grim. She sighs like a dwarven smiths bellows.

“There is one thing haven`t told you yet. I will do so now. You may refuse as this goes beyond what I did for you. My boy… has… fallen into a bad crowd. Guroks boys….”

She looks desperately at me.

“I just don`t know what to do? I talked and talked to him, trying to get him away from Guroks Earth Supremacy group. But he just won`t listen. Then we had a huge argument and he just upped and left..”

She pulls out an handkerchief from her cardigans sleeve. Dries her fiery eyes, singing the moss-hanky. Blows her non-existant nose. Then she puts the singed, mucus dripping handkerchief back in her cardigans sleeve. I look on in dark fascination. This is all so… impossible. It is a great magnificent puzzle. And so disgusting..

“…First I just thought he would roam about for a few weeks, but then I heard he went to live with Guroks band of hooligans. He`s tearing up Nagrand, bullying the other elements just like other gangsters… Please save him, master Wolf-of-the-Stars. I would be so very grateful…”

She looks at me as though I am her last chance for life. I ponder the situation. Twirling my center-left tentacle.

“I will need a piece of him, just in case things go bad. Do you have something?”

“Oh yes, I kept his baby-feet”

‘Baby feet… from a stone… Not for the first time do I wonder if I am not a shaman, just merely insane.’

“That should work… We`ll talk about the compensation later, when I have worked on him for a bit.”


Me, Old Wolf and Malachites rock travel back to the camp in silence. I whistle when I get near. I have forgotten what I was supposed to do to warn Arahu, but I whistle nonetheless. The boy is sitting on his bedding, in a light armour, his hand near his mace. The bedding has been lain in.

“Goodnight Arahu the Elekkian. I have to break camp. I am travelling south to the edge of the world to make good on a promise. Tell Farseer Nobundo that I received his message and will try to be there.”

I collect my things and gear up. Arahu watches me with suspicion. Baratta watches me like a hawk. I guess they won`t have much of a night either.

“You are going out at night? But the ogres and the predators…? “

“Tonight I will BE the predator. The master hunter that even ogres fear.”

Arahu blinks in surprise at the cool menacing words. I fear I may have lost him permanently. Still I have to try.

“You can pick up your axe whenever you want, Peacekeeper Arahu, but I strongly advice against it. As a… forsaken, if you will, I urge you to turn to the Light and to the good. Don`t follow in my footsteps. Never hurt those you love!”

The shame and regret in that last sentence make him blink again.

“Qure`thell, I…”

I wave goodbye and leave. I walk deep into the darkness towards my staff. I ask Mother Zanger for my staff and pull it out gently. Who knows, maybe this is hurting her. On a whim I kneel and fill the hole my staff made with the muck. A picture of two translucent wolves running through the night fills my mind. It is accompanied by an eagerness for travelling and the thrill of the hunt. I smile. He needs no answer as he is already bounding ahead challenging me to catch him. An heartbeat later, a second spirit wolf is running after the first, heading to the end of the world.

Qure`thell

Qure`thell

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